What am I doing?

So, tomorrow, well, actually today, I'm going to make another huge mistake. I've made this mistake four times before, but time doesn't teach every lesson well enough, I suppose. Or maybe I'm just stupid.

For my future self, allow me to fill in the details. じゅん, a classmate of mine in Japanese, is the object of my affection, a long standing one I hoped would disappear over time. Unfortunately, this isn't the case, and now, three weeks before our final meeting (he's going to Japan, I'm going to Korea), I'm faced with the decision to let him know how I feel.

Now, I know he doesn't like me. It's not possible. He's in love with a beautiful girl (who apparently is not treating him right). And, no, I know there is no chance of him realizing feelings for me when I tell him. I'm not expecting a relationship out of this. On the contrary, I'm expecting our friendship to be ruined.

So, why am I doing this? Why admit how I feel to someone if it will only end in heartbreak and a broken friendship? Because, even though I'm hurting "us" to tell him how I feel, forever changing his view of me, I'm hurting myself more by holding it inside. I can't distance myself from him because we share a class (and sit right next to one another). I can't escape my feelings for him because every time I see him, they become a little stronger. So, I have to say something, anything before it becomes overwhelming and I break down at an inopportune time. At least now I have some control over it.

I know he will never speak to me again. I know he is going to leave without saying a word and I'll sit somewhere else in class on Thursday and we'll both pretend that the other doesn't exist. I know these last three weeks are going to be difficult. I'm going to cry every night, I'm going to have break downs throughout the day, I'm going to want to collapse into despair for my stupidity and shamelessness. However, beyond all of that, I have but one hope. I hope he can appreciate that someone believes him to be a very special, very wonderful and very loved person. I hope he will take pleasure and joy in knowing that someone thinks so well of him. I hope he will be happy knowing someone loves him, even someone as gross as me.

But, I can only hope until tomorrow.

KYYAAAAHHH~~~~~~!!!!!!!

Snow Night and Day!

Listening to: Perfume - Twinkle Snow Powdery Snow



So, I currently reside in the southern region of the American United States (there certainly are others, of course). And, in this southern region of the American United States, it rarely snows. So, what the hell is all of this?









Now, don't think I went out here just to take pictures of this ridiculous weather change. I played, too!








In the last picture, it's Massu~,  newly named Kangin! and myself. Yeah, my eyes get really thin when I smile; if I smile out of excitement, they're practically invisible.

But, as lovely as this all seems, the fun was kind of short lived. The morning after, freezing rain continued to come down, which froze the top layer of snow. And, since the snow underneath was so powdery (it looked like glitter when it fell), it felt as though you were simply walking through ice to get to the actual ground. Here are some of the shots from the morning after:













Now, this was all yesterday. Today, the ice has gotten worse. We were supposed to start classes this semester, but it's been canceled both Monday and today. Massu~, Kangin! and I theorize we won't start school until next week... Which... is... frustrating. I've still yet to hear from my supervisor. I feel like somehow I lost my job without even starting it. I had to turn in some papers so the school could pay me (taxes and crap like that) and I haven't even heard from them! Granted they were probably going to finish all of that on Monday, I'm still frustrated. I put all of my classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays for a job, now I'm stuck with this incredibly laborious schedule. But, to make up for it, watch me try to make a snow angel for the first time.





Valid argument, I think so.

Valete omnes!

Sunday Stealing #3

Listening to: Perfume - Macaroni (Instrumental)
Forever Listening to: Akanishi Jin feat. Crystal Kay - Wonder



Let's get started, shall we? Today's stealing is interesting!

---


A is for Age: Still too young, but too damn old.

B is for Beer of choice: See A. TT__TT

C is for Career: Teacher of many things, student of all.

D is for favourite Drink: Sparkling Cider. So many good memories..

E is for Essential item you use everyday: ...Cellphone... T____T;

F is for Favourite song at the moment: See "Listening to" above.

G is for favourite Game: Kingdom Hearts 2 or Kirby's Adventure or Sonic Adventure 2

H is for Home town: California

I is for Instruments you play: ................TT___TT

J is for favourite Juice: All of the various cranberry+ combos

K is for Kids: Adopted or (highly unlikely) Twins. Likely - None. I don't have to get married to not have kids and all signs are pointing to my not getting married.

L is for Last kiss: I honestly don't remember...

M is for marriage: HAH.

N is for full Name: And I would post this why?

O is for Overnight hospital stays: None thankfully.

P is for phobias: Failure.

Q is for quote: "The key to happiness lies within dreams."

R is for biggest Regret: I don't like to think about 'what ifs', but probably not going home when I had the chance.

S is for sports: (American) FOOTBALL!!!

T is for Time you wake up: 8am. Give it two more semesters and that'll be 6am...

U is for colour of underwear: Right now? Pink!

V is for Vegetable you love: Cucumbers... I want some right now so bad...

W is for Worst Habit: Fearing failure.

X is for X-rays you've had: One for my spine. Found hairline splinters. The doctor said I *could* fall and snap my spine in half, but not to worry about it. I was 12.

Y is for Yummy food you make: Give me raw chicken and I can bake you a cake. No, really. I will bake you a cake, I just want the raw chicken so I can make dinner. I think it's a fair trade, right?

Z is for zodiac sign: Leo or Horse.

Saturday 9 #1

Listening to: SNSD/Girls' Generation - Wake Up



So, I'm in a crappy mood. What does that mean? Meme time! This one comes from the following:


1. Where did you grow up? Where do you consider home?

--California.

2. If you could paint your car any color with no loss in value, what color would it be?

--Electric blue. I've always wanted a ridiculously bright car. That way I can find it in huge parking lots.

3. What do you think comes after death?

--You know, I honestly couldn't care less. I don't think I'll be to worried about it at the time I'm dying, either. I'll probably be too focused on the fact that I'm about to fall face first into the blurry green grass at 160mph.

4. Name a TV show that should NOT be renewed for another season.

--All reality shows. No, really.

5. If you could have a free subscription to any online service, which would you like to have?

--Gamefly. I miss playing video games...

6. Where did you think you'd be at the age you are now?

--In regard to what? What age was I when I started thinking about this? That aside, roughly in the same place I am now, though in a different state depending on what age I was when I asked this.

7. What did you want to be when you grew up?

--A princess, an author, dead, a psychologist, a psychiatrist, dead, a lawyer, a Latin teacher,

an English as a second language teacher, dead, a slut, an English teacher abroad, a Language Arts and Reading teacher and a promiscuous girl. In that order, but some have carried over.

8. If you were to suddenly become famous, and were forced to change names, what would you choose as your stage name?

--Jazzy or Grumpy. Uncreative, I know.

9. What is the first book that you can remember reading by yourself as a child?

--Harold and the Purple Crayon. I love that little kid, man, but I hope they never make a live action movie of it. I'd have to kill people like I did over Where the Wild Things Are...

Hurrah and Bah Humbug!

So, today kinda sucked. It had it's ups and downs, but here's a quick recap (I'll go into detail later)

-- My supervisor still has not informed me of when I shall start training. She claimed she would send an email yesterday night. It's been nearly 30 hours. Unreliable woman is unreliable.

-- I was able to return one book I won't need for this semester and rented my last two ones (saving roughly $60).

-- My least favorite member of the dorm next door returned today. I went with her to go get her books. She's so needy.

-- I met the new roommate of the dorm next door. She seems nice, but her name is not what the housing office said it would be.

-- I messed up my rice cooker again. I thought rice cookers were supposed to be easy to use? Why do I keep burning my fucking rice?!

-- I chatted with my new roommate/RA today for a whole minute and thirty seconds! She has a nice smile. This makes me happy.

-- My best friend Massu~ came back from China today! She was gone for a week and I was only able to hear from her once! She's on her way back to campus now!

-- [NEW] Massu~'s bus driver decided to be an idiot and take the long way home, so it will be longer before I can see her! Ugh!!! I miss her so much!

In fact, the very fact that Massu~ is arriving shortly (sooner or later) is why this entry is so short. I'll expand on it tomorrow sometime. Hopefully I will have good news to replace all of the bad (or at least information about my job...)

Not a Wonderful Monday

Listening to: The Globetrotters' basketball game GTOP/GD&TOP feat. Bom - Oh Yeah



Leave it to the first Monday of the year to be a let down, like any old Monday that has come before. I overslept this morning and wasn't able to call my school until 12:30pm. I asked to make an appointment and the girl said, "wait... what?" So, I asked again. She took my name and number down and said she'd call back. I'm still waiting for her call. In the meantime, I called again about two hours later and get another girl (who sounds much smarter). She tells me there is an orientation for this Wednesday, so I sign up for it by giving my name, email, phone number and supervisor's name (she'll eventually get a name, too). The girl tells me I'll get an email soon about the time and other info for the orientation and hangs up. All well and good? Of course not. I never got my email. With my orientation likely less than forty hours away and I still have to pack, go grocery shopping and get back to school, I kind of need that email. I'll just have to call first thing in the morning, which means I'm going to have to go to bed before 3:58am.

Ho hum. I was hoping I'd have more information about my job, but now I'm more confused than ever. Oh well, tomorrow's another day! ^__^

Oyasumi~!